A nonexhuastive list of reasons not to date me

vivianimbriotis | March 19, 2023, 2:25 p.m.

You shouldn’t date me because I am bad at sleeping in a bed with someone else.

You shouldn’t date me because sometimes I am inconsolably sad with no clear cause.

You shouldn’t date me because I am easily frustrated when people don’t agree with me.

You shouldn’t date me because when I was four I lied to my parents and told them my brother hurt me, for no gain of my own.

You shouldn’t date me because I am so obsessive, an idea gets caught in my head like a splinter and I scratch and scratch and will not let it go, like luck or preferences or the difficulty or measurement, and I thrash about with my scratching and may hurt you quite by accident.

You shouldn’t date me because, given the choice, I would kill the auroras and the bioluminescence and all the stars in the sky and drown myself in the darkness just for a peaceful night of sleep.

You shouldn’t date me because I am terribly, terribly afraid I have lost the ability to form a meaningful romantic connection with another person, the capacity having rusted away, withered like a vestigial organ, fallen off like a lizard’s tail.

You shouldn’t date me because I once tried to catch a spider in a glass but it was too fast and I crushed her legs with the rim, and then I killed her with a boot to assuage my guilt.

You shouldn’t date me because, while the well-adjusted long for adventure and travel, I truly just want to sit at home and set my mind to soaring elsewhere, finding my travel in language or structure, learning and changing in a quiet setting.

You shouldn’t date me because I can’t stop thinking about factory farms whenever I see someone eat meat.

You shouldn’t date me because you can smell desperation a mile off.

You shouldn’t date me because I’m lonely, and not, I think, in a way anyone can fix.